I know its been quite a while since my last post. I’m sorry to those of you that thought this would be one of those blogs updated every few days so you could follow along in each step of these last few grueling months. I know I should write more, but recently when I have sat down to write I really can’t think of where to begin or what I actually want to say. Crazy, huh? A cancer writer’s block. I think im good now, I am ready to write a little bit. So here we go, this one should be interesting.
I turn 27 tomorrow and all I can think of right now is wow what a life ive had so far. I have gotten the opportunity to travel and live on 3 different continents. I was able to study abroad in Ecuador and visit the Galapagos Islands. I have lived and worked in Malawi at a teacher’s training college in the middle of nowhere. I started my own clothes collection operation in a new city/ state I had never been to before (even though the finances were cut after 5 months, but that’s a different story for another time). I have had two great jobs out of college. I graduated college, cheered on K-State to our first Big 12 football Championship, experienced Michael Beasley, and survived the Delt house. I have gotten to meet thousands of unique and different people. Some people I can live without, but more than enough people I can’t. I have had amazing mentors and met people that are going to change the world and some that already are. I’ve seen my family grow up, expand, and add new additions (one of these new additions is coming in Feb 2012 from my sister Katie, I think she should name it Paula or Paulette; ha ha). I voted for our first black president and believed he could really help change things. I’ve seen the birth and expansion of face book and a movie about the birth of face book, but I have also have been diagnosed with Cancer. When I look back on everything I have been a part of and what I have accomplished I am actually pretty amazed, but when other people look at me now all they see is the guy with cancer. Maybe it’s because that’s what is going on right now, right in front of them, but there is so much more to me than just having cancer.
My 5th round of Chemo went pretty well. I was a lot more tired throughout the actual chemo and the couple weeks after than I ever have before. Getting up and going out took some real effort, but besides being sore and tired I got through the first 2 recovery weeks and thought I was going to make it through the entire round without getting sick again. Man was I wrong. On Tuesday night I started to feel a little weakness in my right leg and noticed a sizeable bump growing on my left calf. Wednesday was a pretty normal day, but I still could feel that weakness slowing me down a little bit. I fell asleep on my futon watching tv on Wednesday night, I woke up around midnight and it was very difficult to move to my bed which is maybe 4 ft away. I woke up on Thursday and it took every ounce of strength I had to get up and go pee. I was supposed to go to the dr’s office for some blood work, but I called my mom and let her know that was not going to happen. I was so weak that after going to the bathroom in the morning I made it back to the corner of my bed and while curled up In a little ball I could not pull myself up to the top of the bed to lay down normal. I laid at the corner of the bed for an hour or so until I was convinced I could pull myself to the top of the bed. Every inch I moved felt like I was pulling myself through broken glass. Every muscle in my body was in constant pain. I got ahold of a worried mother and let her know I needed to go to the hospital. I let her know I was not going to be able to walk and she would need to get a wheel chair so I could get out of my apartment. A little while later she and my dad showed up at my apartment and any strength I had left was completely gone. Going from my bed to the ER at st. lukes was a journey in itself. Every time I had to move I had to have someone, mostly my dad pick up my limp body and move me. After I got to the hospital, it took me almost a day to regain enough strength to start moving my arms. It took me about 3 days to be able to move my legs, and this was in the bed. After I got strength back in my arms and core, every time I moved my body I was in the same pain as the first day. Every time I needed to pee I had to get a shot of morphine so the nurses could roll my body on my side and I could pee in the bedside urinal. After my blood cultures came back it was determined that I had been infected with MERSA. The infection started in my port and little clots of blood broke off and ended up in my lungs, if that wasn’t bad enough, I had had a bad reaction to my last dose of Vincristine one of my chemo drugs. That reaction is where all my muscle malfunctions came from. When I read up on all the drugs and under side effects it said muscle weakness, I never imagined this is what that meant. During my hospital stay I had more pain killers than anyone should have in their life. I also had 6 blood transfusion, 7 platelet transfusions, had my infected port removed (which I was awake for and was not very happy about), and had a new picc line installed in my right arm. Because of the MERSA I receive daily IV antibiotics for a total of 6 weeks. There was one day in my hospitalization that stands out to me. I was moving without pain in my bed and in my mind I was ready to get up and use the portable toilet. Annie one of the NAs got out a walking belt and we tried to get up. In my mind I was ready and strong enough to get up, but nothing. My feet were on the floor and I still couldn’t feel my legs. I tried to push up, but nothing happened. 3 days before I couldn’t feel my legs or arms at all, but now my mind was ready to stand up and my body said no, I had no power and it crushed me. I cried more that day than I have since this all began. I was ready to give up, Annie comforted me like she always does, because I almost instantly started breaking down after I couldn’t stand. She did what she could, but I was ready to shut myself off. A few hours later another nursing assistant walked into my room named Tina. She said she wanted to meet me. Tina is a breast cancer survivor and we had a great heart to heart. I don’t think I have ever cried the first time I met someone until now. Talking to Tina kept me positive that day and gave me the strength to get up a few days later and push myself through physical therapy. Getting up and walking with a walker was definitely a new experience for me, but taking those first few steps felt like I had never done it before. I made it halfway down the hallway the first day and my body instantly ached, but by the second day I was twice as strong and muscle memory came back. By the 4th day I could walk around the entire floor twice. It all came back so fast. Which is good because I don’t think I could’ve spent one more day in the hospital, 12 was enough for me.
Since getting out I have felt good. I have had another bone marrow biopsy and cultures drawn. Everything was clear and looked good in that. I really hope not to have another one of those ever again. I am over having long needles stuck into my hip and spine. Nine times total is enough for a lifetime, trust me. I have also been getting my daily iv antibiotics for about 4 weeks now. I am getting them from the outpatient infusion center at st. lukes. I am glad I have been doing it there because I have gotten to know the nurses and techs in there a lot better and I am very glad I have gotten the chance to do that. They are great people and amazing at what they do. Plus Cassandra really needed to make up for giving me that hot dose of Vincristine (just kidding). I am still waiting on my blood counts to go back up to a healthy level so I can start my next and last round of chemo. I am almost a month behind where I should be now and I am chomping at the bit to get all of this over with so I can get back to my life. I am really excited to get back to “normal” life, not only because I can act like a normal person again, but I have all these new friends (nurses) that I can go out with and live my life knowing. You can never know enough great people and I just added so many great people to that list. Today is my birthday. I went into get my antibiotics and the nurses surprised me with a birthday cake and a card from all of them. It was a big surprise, I had no idea it was coming. I have never been a huge fan of the fact that its my birthday. I guess I am like my grandmother Betty in that sense. She never liked her birthday, but she loved making everybody else’s birthdays a big deal. I like to have a big party on my birthday, but not for me. I like having Halloween party’s so all my friends can enjoy themselves. I could care less about my birthday, but if there is going to be a celebration I want to make sure everyone else is having fun. But if people want to get me presents, then I will graciously accept them . I will keep both birthday cards I got from all the new and old friends I have for a long time.
I hope to start my last round of chemo ASAP. Still waiting on my platelets to go up 10 140,000 before I can start. My other blood levels have finally gone up, but my platelets have decided to hang out around 50,000 for the last 6 weeks. As I have said to a few people in the last few weeks, I want to get the last treatment done, because I am definitely OVER having cancer. I have been in remission for a few months and I really want to start my life after Burkitts. In my mind I am ready to get back to work and get back involved with all of the exciting things that are going on with the Zoo right now. I also want to go to the K-State bowl game where ever that might be. But I am really ready to start getting back in shape and having fun again, whatever that means.
